things that mean things

Weird title, I know.

For some time now (years really) I've been midly obsessed with quotes. For some reason I never have been quite creative enough or something to write something truly powerful and something that just sticks with people. I do enjoy a good quote or song lyric and through the years I have come across many that have stuck with me through really great times and REALLY shitty times. If I thought I could write a book and just publish a lot of other people's quotes I totally would. Prolly unlikely that's even allowed tho.

So for now, I give you a list of some of my all time favorite quotes. Don't ask me why I am doing this cause I seriously have no idea, other than I just finished eating dinner, have nothing else to do work wise, I'm bored out of my mind, and its only 8:30pm and too early to go to bed. Oh and my husband seemingly hates me and has turned off my cable, leaving me in the hands of about 15 Spanish channels and 30 evangelist stations and honestly I just can't deal with either of those options right now. Ahhh what I wouldn't do right now for a little Food Network action... *sigh*

Anyway - on with the quotes. Enjoy :)

XO -E

The struggle is part of the story.

Some people feel the rain, others just get wet (Bob Marley) - *this quote is currently adorning my chalkboard thingy in my kitchen :)

I am not what happened to me - I am what I choose to become. (Carl Jung)

Sky above me; Earth below me; Fire within me.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love. (Washington Irving)

You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it.

Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger that whatever tried to hurt you.

Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see. (Mark Twain)

I don't have a choice - I still choose you. (The Civil Wars)

All great changes are preceded by chaos.

Once there came a storm in the form of a girl. It blew to pieces my snug little world. (Nick Cave)

If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased (Katherine Hepburn)

Every scar I have makes me who I am.

The cure for anything is salt water:: sweat, tears or the sea (Isak Dinesen)

No one has ever become poor by giving. (Anne Frank)

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

Preach the gospel always and if necessary use words (Francis of Assisi)

there is something beautiful about all scars, whatever the nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed - done with.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart. (Winnie the Pooh)

The couples that are meant to be are the ones that go through everything that's designed to tear them apart and come out even stronger.

What you allow is what will continue.

Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth "You Owe Me" - Look what happens with a love like that. It lights up the whole sky.

Your journey has molded you for your greater good and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now and now is the right time. (Asha Tyson)

I want my life to out live the breath in my lungs.

Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

If God is all you have, you have all you need. John 14:8

To know even one person has breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded. (Emerson)

In one sense there is no death. The life of a soul on earth lasts beyond his departure. You will always feel that life touching yours, that voice speaking to you, that spirit looking out of other eyes, talking to you in the familiar things he touched, worked with, loved as familiar friends. He lives on in your life and in the lives of the others that knew him. (Angelo Patri)

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you're going to remember about me. (Al Capone)

Don't be delicate. Be vast and brilliant.

If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you are fooling yourself. That's like expecting the lion no to eat you because you didn't eat him.

Always be yourself. Unless you can be a pirate. Then always be a pirate.

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. (Gandhi)

A tiger does not loose sleep over the opinion of sheep.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting for in movement there is life and in change there is power. (Alan Cohen)

Cause in the beginning it came from above
Let there be love
Let there be love
Everyone needs it but many give up
Their spirit is crushed
They try and can't trust
But love can win out and it must.

(Matthew Barber)


 

What a weekend...

This weekend I headed over to Daytona with some pretty awesome people to celebrate and welcome home Tommy Danger after an incredible endeavour:

The man RAN from Seattle to Daytona Beach. All in the name of cystic fibrosis.

When I first heard of this campaign I was not sure if I should be impressed or worried for his mental health. Turns out neither impressed or worried adequetly describes the More Than Just Miles campaign.

Cause thats EXACTLY what this was: MORE. More than just Tommy Danger. More than just the duo of Tommy and Timothy Ettridge sleeping in their van in a Walmart parkin lot, eating rice and noodles everyday, going through more pairs of shoes than most go through in a lifetime. More than just a run. It was MORE.

The campaign began when Tommy Danger learned of his friend's son Ethan who was diagnosed with CF. He knew that the lack of awareness this disease gets would do nothing to help find a cure. Cures are only found through awareness. Because without awareness, there is no movement. No movement means no funding, no research, which means no cure.

Through his 3200 mile run, he amassed a following of over 5000 people on his Facebook page alone. Thousands have been reached and touched by his commitment to this disease, myself included.

Its people like Tommy and Timothy and the rest of the MTJM family that brings hope to so many suffering far greater than I am with CF. My life with CF has NOT been pretty - but it was better than many. Growing up I was always healthy - a runner, an athlete, never sick. It wasnt until the last ten years or so my CF was even a true issue. Obviously a lot went on the last few years, but all that has lead me to this moment. One where I can make a stand with people like Tommy Danger, Timothy Ettridge, Cassie Snyder, Brent Snyder, Tori Simpson, Deanna Silva, Michael Silva, Carlton Clippard, Joshua Teague, Morgan Gridstaff, Karen Pollina, John Pollina, Ed Bono, and so many others affected by CF. People from a half-dozen states (including fom my HOME - North Carolina!! -gotta love these people-) converged on Daytona and it was incredible. We came together on Daytona Beach and stood together for those of us who are no longer with us, those who weren't able to come fordifferent reasons, and those who have yet to learn about CF.

Throughout the last 6 or so months, MTJM has raised of $10,000 for CF. And that is just the beginning. The real testament to this story is the awareness that has come from it all. Thousands across the WORLD have followed along, supported, and shared this journey. This campaign has sparked so much MORE - I mean would it be anything different with a name like More Than Just Miles? From this journey a new campaign is in the works - More Than Just Mountains. Tommy and a few others will be hitting the summits of 7 of the worlds highest peaks including Kilamanjaro and Everest. All in the name of CF. MTJM is also expanding into a non-profit who will carry the torch for awareness for multiple causes, other than just CF. More Than Just Me will bring to light causes that desperately need awareness. And I am so excited for the things that will come of it.

I hope you all will take some time to check them out. These guys are the real deal and I promise you, you will be in awe of their compassion and commitment. Get involved with them - volunteer your time or talents. Give of your resources  - whatever they may be, and follow along and lend your support and encouragement. MTJM is on the brink of big things - and I am so stoked to be even a small part of it.

Pictures below are just a few from the finish party. Enjoy!

Check out More Than Just Miles::

on Facebook: www.facebook.com/morethanjustmiles
on Twitter: www.twitter.com/morthanjstmiles
on Instagram: www.instagram.com/MTJME
online: www.mtjm.org

 

 

  
 

BIG LOVE TO ALL MY CF FAMILY.


Erin

Holidays, Lexington BBQ, and Bike Rides

Whew. I am exhausted. The last week as been possibly the most amazing in recent memory. I'll back track a little and fill you all in incase you somehow missed my daily FB updates.

The Christmas "weekend" I guess you could say started off with a veerrrryyy long drive -alone- all the way from Orlando to Albemarle, NC starting on Thursday and finally arriving on Friday. I cannot begin to tell you how awesome it was to get back to NC - despite the cold weather, which I generally LOATHE. This year though, thanks to a little extra padding (up another 2 lbs this week to an whopping 144 lbs) and lungs that aren't in complete AGONY, I actually *almost* enjoyed the cold. It was so nice to be able to be in the cold and still be able to enjoy myself. Thankfully it wasn't a "wet" cold or I doubt I would be feelin the same love.

That weekend started with a Christmas party with the best group of women I know. We have been talkin about this party for well over two months now and we had hyped that crap up so high that most people wouldn't even be able to come close to fulfilling the expectations.

We aren't most people.

Our Christmas party was an evening of food, dirty Santa (sometimes a little toooo dirty lol) and wine and incredible You Tube videos. Oh and wine. And ridiculous stories. And did I mention wine? Yeah there was wine. For some, too much wine ;)

Late into the week our Christmas party somehow transformed into a "onesie" party or an adult footed pajama party is that helps you envisions this spectacle. Think 7 grown women sittin around in full sized onesies. It was a pretty amazing sight. My husband isn't the biggest fan of the onesie but honestly that's just too bad. That thing is amazing, and I love it. I tried to wear it to church that Sunday but he sorta put the kabash on that one.




Yup. That's happening




Gangster onesies




Things starting to digress...




Foxy ladies








"She Ratchet"

Have I mentioned how much I freakin LOVE these women!? Gah, I have missed them.

The next day was FamJam time. Each year my entire family (Phillips side) gets together for Christmas at Uwharrie Point/Old North State Country Club for our Christmas get together. This year my parents, sisters, and their husbands/babies got out there earlier than usual to get family pictures made. It was the first time we had ALL been together since our latest member - Miss Shelby - had arrived and it was the first time we were all together since my transplant. We haven't seen the pics yet, but big thanks to Joseph Sides and Andrea Harris from Connection Photography for comin all the way out and dealing with our CRA-ZY family. It was such a special thing for us to be able to do and I know there are some awesome pics in there! We can't wait to see them!

Once the rest of the family arrived it was the usual - football, tons of food, catching up and presents. It was so good to see everyone and watch my babies play together. The only ones missing were my cousin Braxton and his wife Katherine. She *was* pregnant and was unable to be that far away from her Dr. Turns out it was the right thing! Mr. Holden Sherwood Wall was born just a few days later -- Christmas Day!! So we welcomed another "Santa Baby" into the fam. He is so precious and I HATE SO MUCH the he decided to make his debut literally like 2 hours after Chris and I headed home!!




Mylee & Mabree




Nap time!




Momma and Shelby




Playin Santa's sleigh...yeah I was Rudolph.




Outside - bravin the cold weather.




Me and Monkee




Dr Mylee




Sweet girls...




Holden Sherwood Wall born Dec 25, 2012 -- so handsome!

The rest of the weekend was spent with friends and more family. Christmas Eve we traveled the hour to Lexington for my **favorite** LEXINGTON BBQ! People, this is serious. I know everyone has their idea of what constitutes BBQ - even more so GOOD BBQ. But let me just tell you. This is the real deal folks. Lexington BBQ is famous and rightly so. It's the best - vinegar based, super moist and I mean man - Just freakin amazing. And don't forget about the hush puppies. Ohhhh the hush puppies. So, so good. You know how hush puppies got their name? Apparently some lady had a yappy dog and she made a batch of these little babies. She would say "hush puppy!" and to reward him she would give him one. Or atleast I heard that somewhere. Not sure it's true but let's pretend it is.




Oh yes.




Pig skin love people...it's. beautiful thing.




Family friends (the "kids") -all grown up- at the Spencer's house Sunday evening.

Christmas morning rolled around and it was so awesome to be able to see BOTH our families on Christmas Day. Something that we haven't done in about 5 years. We opened presents and had breakfast at my parents house, then headed to Charleston, SC to spend the rest of the day with Chris' family. I wish we had had another couple days off to spend more time in Charleston, but atleast ALL of Chris' family was able to meet in Charleston. It's been years since that's happened too! My two oldest nieces, Elizabeth and Abigail, have gotten WAY to big. I mean its seriously stressing me. Elizabeth (EJ) is in HIGH SCHOOL and is as big as me. I remember when she was barely a year old (when Chris and I first started dating). I can't believe how old she is. It's makin Chris and I feel really old. And sweet Abigail is such a cutie and is SEVEN. It's killin me. I was there the day she was born. *sigh*



Cannot remember what was so funny, but does it matter? This picture is hilarious!




Sister in law Ashley and her new FIANCÉ Josh! :)




Our first baby Abby, the boarder collie/pit bull mix. She is not a puppy anymore lol!

Getting back home to Orlando was sad at first, but I am glad to be home. Visited with my sister and her in laws yesterday which is always entertaining (lol) and was able to spend a little time with my girl Mabree which is always a good time :)




Live music at Ella's in Tampa...




To more live music (and some dancing haha) at O'Briens...




To interesting gift card purchases at Pier 1 the next morning haha

Cut to today. Sunday Funday at its finest. Chris and I spent the morning at the Lake Eola farmers market in downtown Orlando, then headed over to Wall Street Cantina to watch our beloved Panthers beat the Saints (albeit still making us slightly bonkers with their inconsistency). After that we stopped by Orange Trail in Oakland a few minutes from our house. We rented bikes and took an hour long bike ride - my first true bike ride in FIFTEEN years (maybe longer honestly). It was awesome. My legs are killin me, but my lungs? AHH-MAZING. I mean it was crazy! One full hour of biking, up hills and a little off roading (not my idea to say the least) and I was barely breathing hard! I think I'm gonna hafta buy a bike. I'm sorta hooked I think. :)




Relieving stress with an odd photo shoot while watchin the Carolina Panthers.




And again...




Bike:30




I think he thinks its cold out...

Well. There ya go. All caught up. I can't believe 2012 is all but over. I'm tellin you, this has been a crazy year. An incredible year, but awesome. This has been the BEST holiday I have had in so long I can't even remember one ever being this good. Friends, family, new babies, havin the ENERGY to enjoy it all, NO IVS, and NO HOSPITAL. I can't barely believe this is my life now. Absolutely a miracle. I am so thankful I have been able to celebrate this new life - this amazing miracle of rebirth and faith and grace - at the same time we are celebrating the GREATEST MIRACLE - the birth of the One who gives us this grace, who provides for us in our faith in Him. Jesus is the reason for the season and lemme tell you, this has NEVER been clearer, or more significant, to me as it has been this year. He has absolutely delivered me and my family from the Hell we were in and I could not be more grateful. God is so good people.

With this amazing sense of thankfulness comes an immense sense of sadness - I guess that's the right word. It's hard to completely reconcile the feelings that come along with transplant sometimes. Most of the time I'm so happy, so overwhelmed and literally shocked by what I am physically capable of, that I don't dwell on EXACTLY what had to transpire to get me to where I am today. But atleast once a day, even if its just for a brief moment, I remember. Sometimes I am just grateful, sometimes I have a twinge of guilt. Sometimes - like at the holidays - I'm overwhelmed with a sadness and guilt I can barely explain. Its not constant thankfully, usually something I think of late at night when Im layin in bed or by myself in my car. When things are quiet and calm and I dont have the benefit of any great distractions. I don't know why God spared my life at, what sometimes feels like, the expense of another. How is it fair that I have spent the last five months feeling so amazing and getting to experience such an amazing new life, while someone else had to die for that to happen? I realize that (hopefully) the young man who died to give me life is celebrating in a way COMPLETELY UNFATHOMABLE to me in Heaven this year. I don't know where his heart was on that front, but I pray that someone who could give this gift to someone would have Jesus in his heart. I don't worry about that for the most part. Nothing can be done now if that wasn't the case. But I do worry for his family. Who had to spend this first Christmas without someone they loved. Who was acutely aware of his absence on Christmas morning when his empty stocking hung by the others filled with all kinds of things and who's seat remained empty at Christmas dinner. I pray that while there was sadness and loss this year, that there was also a sense of peace that could only be given to them by Jesus and the promise we celebrate this season - the coming of our Savior.

I hafta write a letter to the family of my donor soon. I've honestly been putting it off because, well I haven't had the words. What do you say to a donor family to explain the significance of what their loved one has done for you? How are there ever the right words to give them the peace, closure and assurance that what was done with their loved one's body was the right choice? Organ donation isn't for everyone. I know that. I can only hope the family was ok with his decision. And if they weren't, that whatever words I can find to express what his decision has meant to me will help them find a peace with it. I'd hate to think that there were people out there who regretted that decision, who felt some sort of animosity towards organ donation - or to me as the recipient - because of what happened. I have put it off for as long as I can. I wanted to do it sooner, but like I said - no words. Now I regret I didn't do it earlier. I can't help feeling like my letter may have been a source of peace for them at the holidays. Then again, maybe not. Maybe it would have been too much. I just hope that my procrastination on the letter was the right move. And that when I do write it that my words are Heaven sent and are what they need to hear, whatever it is. So throw up a couple prayers for me on that one if you don't mind. I hope to get it written and sent in the next few weeks.

Again, and as always, thanks for indulging me tonight. I know this was a long one, so thanks for hanging in there! I hope you all have had an amazing holiday season so far. The New Year is literally hours away. I can't wait to see what 2013 has in store! Love to you all -- thanks for being a part if Chris and I's life. You all have had such a huge impact in our life and each one of you has helped us in so many ways. We pray for you all everyday and thank God for everything and everyone he has put in our path. You have all made such a difference to us.

xoxoxo and Much love...
Erin

10 years, amazing people...one lucky girl.

This past weekend was my ten year high school reunion. Ten years. When I think back of what my life was like, what I was like....I can hardly believe it. So much has changed. The usual things have changed for all of us - big moves, marriages, babies, jobs - but my life, well its been a little cray cray. Going from completely healthy and normal, to spiraling towards death quicker than I think any of us actually realized at the time, to getting a second chance at a normal life after this transplant...well its been quite the roller coaster. Unfortunately, since I am still going through rehab and recovery here in Jacksonville I wasn't able to attend the reunion, which seriously bummed me out. I don't think lots of people really look forward to reunions, but I truly loved the Albemarle High School class of 2002. We had some awesome memories from those years and I was able to experience it all with some seriously awesome people. I really hate I missed it. But, if I had to miss it for anything, I guess a double lung transplant is a good enough reason! And hey...hopefully this transplant will get me to our 20th reunion!




AHS Class of 2002 10 year reunion - only about 1/3 of the class, but some awesome people turned out. And thanks to my girls for bringin my picture so I could make an appearance in the photo! LOL!!


While thinkin about all I was missing out on this weekend, I started thinkin about all the incredible people in my life. Ones who have been in my life since I was a child, to the ones who have been more recent additions. I realized that even though things haven't exactly gone perfectly over the last ten years, I have gotten through it and have been showed grace and blessings from God more times than I can count. And those blessing start with the incredible support system I have developed over the years. From family, to friends, to medical professionals - I have acquired an amazing group of people around me that, without every one, I wouldn't be here blogging about how incredible my life has become right now.




Me the week before my transplant - skinny, weak, on oxygen almost 24hours a day, and in a lot of pain. Very sick. Couldn't hardly stay awake to eat.




Nearly 7 weeks post double lung transplant - lots of color in my face (no more sickly gray), no more oxygen, gaining weight (20lbs and counting!), more energy than Ive had in years! Feelin Awesome!


I decided that this post should be less about me and more about a few incredible people in my life. People who have gone above and beyond these last few months to show me and my family an incredible amount of love and support. Way more than I deserve I can tell you that. There are many more than just the few I'll mention here today but trust me - before this is all over you'll hear about them all! In order to express our gratitude to everyone, it will def take more than one post.

The first group are my amazing girlfriends from Albemarle. Ive know these girls since I was very young. We have pretty much grown up together and been through A LOT to say the least. Our lives have changed so much the last few years - moving away to different towns (and in my case states!), weddings, babies, deaths of loved ones (we have seriously experienced the entire dang circle of life together). We are all spread around so getting together isn't very easy and only happens every so often. So you can imagine my surprise when I walked down to the lobby of our hotel the night I was discharged from the hospital after my transplant to see the sweet, beautiful faces of my best friends in the world - Janna Brown, Lisa Wray, Katie Adams, Adrienne Averette, and Sallie Spencer (we were minus one that night until later when Brittani Edwards arrived to further surprise me the next day!). I quickly dissolved into tears, something not very characteristic of me, and remained in complete shock for the rest of the night. Their presence right after the most life changing and stressful and amazing surgery of my life was EXACTLY what I needed. They will never, ever know what it meant to me that they had road tripped it down to see me, at the time not even knowing that I was out of the hospital yet. Ive loved these girls practically my entire life, but at that moment I honestly had never loved them more. And to keep the surprises coming, they had ordered these awesome bracelets and were all wearing one when they arrived. The bracelet they gave me is one of my favorite things in the world and I wear it EVERY DAY. It seriously hasn't left my wrist since I put it on that night. The bracelets are silver with the words Hope - Love - Breathe engraved on the outside and my initials engraved on the inside. They had actually ordered them from someone who was selling them to raise money for a family friend whos child has cystic fibrosis as well. So it not only meant as a symbol of support and love for me and what I was going through, it also helped another child with CF and that is so awesome. Did I mention that I love these girls? I do. A lot! We were able to spend most of the rest of the weekend together which was so much fun (albeit exhausting). It was the best possible to spend my first weekend post transplant and out of the hospital. I will never ever forget that time.




The awesome bracelets my sweet girls had made to show their support for me. I absolutely LOVE them - both the bracelets AND my girls LOL!





Dinner at Taverna in the San Marco district in downtown Jacksonville...super yummy and fantastic company! Couldn't have been a better day!


Another group of people I want to say a special thank you to is a group I am not going to name names specifically. Im not sure if that would make them uncomfortable or not, so to these people - and you know who you are - please forgive me for not naming names. These wonderful people have sent cards, gifts, gift cards, and financial donations to us in the last few months and we cannot begin to tell you how incredibly thankful we are to have each and every one of you in our lives. The contributions and kindness you have shown us has made these past two months so much easier to get through. Almost daily, a card or letter shows up in my mailbox with such incredible words of love and encouragement. I have saved each and every one of them and will keep them forever. They have carried all of us through this and we covet the love and prayers that have so generously been bestowed on us. Please know that we will never forget your generosity and we keep you all in our heart and prayers daily. You'll be hearing from me directly soon enough, but I wanted to be sure you all knew what an impact your support has made in our lives.

Also, right now are a few groups of people who are organizing fundraisers on our behalf. I am going to be honest, this actually makes me slightly uncomfortable. Having so many people coming out to support us - while absolutely amazing and overwhelming - is still embarrassing for me. I just keep wishing that it wasn't something that was necessary. But at the same time I am SO unbelievably humbled and grateful to everyone who is organizing and participating in each. We will never ever be able to express our overwhelming amazement at the generosity of so many. It is absolutely amazing the hearts of people. God continues to bless us, through all of you, and it is my fervent prayer that the blessings you all have given to us are returned to you in a huge way.

Thanks for indulging me a little tonight. I have tons more people to thank, but I want to make sure I can do it right and by trying to fit too many in on one post seems like it would get watered down a little. And the thanks we have for all of you is NOT something that should be watered down. Annnnd Ive got another day full of blood work, PFTS, xrays, and the ever exciting bronchoscopy tomorrow. I hafta be up and at em and a terribly ungodly hour, so its time for me to get some much needed sleep. My sleep patterns are still very crazy, so please send up a few prayers for them to regulate a little more, and of course, for positive results from the bronch tomorrow. I haven't had one in three weeks, and I am super nervous about what they will show. Ive been feeling great, and the fact that they feel Im doing good enough to move them from once a week to once every three weeks is a good sign, but still....going that long makes me super anxious. I feel a shaky, sweaty Erin comin on as I wait for my results LOL! So fingers, eyes, toes and anything else that be crossed for luck - please! I'll post more hopefully tomorrow, depending on how I'm feelin post bronch. You never really can tell. Last time I was OUT for like 6 hours. Time before that it was only an hour. So, we'll be playin this one by ear! So till then, I hope all is well for everyone! Nite all! :)




My good friend THE BRONCH...ahh we shall meet again soon my friend....


Much love...



Erin